Orientation

Orientation... usually used to define the sexual nature of someone but for the purpose of this blog I'm using it as a metaphor as I attempt to explore and define the nature of my feelings for a certain Japanese gentleman.

I have mentioned previously that I feel as if I am in "uncharted territory"... lost without a compass or a star to guide me.

How do I feel about Hiro?

I do like him allot and I certainly like the way he makes me feel but it's almost like there is something missing.

I'm starting to wonder if what’s missing is "me"

I realise now it's not only with Hiro that I feel lost... I feel lost in general.

Currently... I don't like myself all that much.
I feel hollow.
How can I respect someone who likes me when I don't even like "myself".

This isnt a fairytale... where my knight in shining amour, my Hiro will come along and save me.
I have to save myself.

I am not ready for a relationship... that is abundantly clear.

I hope that Hiro and I can become friends but for now I think I need some distance.
I will talk to him about it because he's a good man and he deserves to know the truth and the right to decide for himself.

I hope he sticks around.

I wanted to find my sense of direction and I guess I've done that.

My destination is "Me".

Wish me luck on my journey.

I know it's corny and super gay but then so am I... besides it really fits how I'm feeling.