Without Reason

It was April fools day... and despite the likelihood of the universe playing some sort of cruel joke. I took a chance.

I got home from the Gold Coast and gave Hiro a call.
I wanted to get our talk out of the way sooner rather than later so I hoped we could catch up.

He told me he had plans with friends but invited me to join them.
He was persistent but I ungracefully declined his invitation.
I did however let him know he could txt me when he was done to see if I was still up.

I'll admit I was eagerly awaiting his txt... and he didn't let me down.
Later that night I receive a message.

"Are you up? I know I am ;)"

When the hell did sleazy become so cute?

I replied that I was indeed awake but not UP

"Can I come and get you?"

To which I said:

"You can if you want but I am not sleeping with you"

Our txts quickly became sexts and in the end we both agreed to meet... just to talk.

He took me up to the look out at Mt Cootha.
I'd been there before with friends but never with a "potential mate"
He distracted me with his goofy sexiness.
It wasn't until we got out of the car that I remembered the whole purpose of our meeting was to have the awkward conversation I didn't want to give and he didn't want to hear.

It was some time before I could find the words (5 cigarettes to be exact)
I took a deep breath and finally spoke.

I told him. That I really liked him but that I didn't think it was a good idea for us to have sex anymore.
His eyes narrowed but he never lost his smile.
He asked me if that meant we couldn't see each other any more.

I told him "No" but that that might not be a bad idea.

He stared at me "Do you want me to go away?"

Of course I said "No" that's not what I want but it is what I need.
He sat for a long time looking at the view of the city.
Eventually he turned to me and this is what he said:

"I've been single for a long time because I haven't met the right person.
I wasn't looking when I met you.
I think about you... without reason. Your just there.
More and more all I see is you.
You try to be hard but I can see you. Inside.
I don't know what it means only that I want to be with you"

I said nothing but I'm sure he could read it all over my face.

He took my hand and spoke again:

"You tell me I need to go away but you want me to stay
If you're not ready... I can wait"

"Ask me to wait for you... and I will"

I was overcome with emotion. I was shaking... I was crying.
Though filled with tears I was beaming with happiness.
I couldn't breathe I was gasping for air.
He held me in his strong embrace until I found my calm.

I looked into his eyes and managed to mumble the words:

"I'll try not to take too long"

He smiled... I laughed... and we kissed.

I so could have fucked him right there and then... but I didn't.

If and when it does happen...

I want it to be special
I want to be ready
I want to feel worthy

For fuck sake Steve... don't let this amazing man get away.
Get your shit together and hurry the fuck up.

Until that day comes...

I will think about you Hiro... without reason :)