FLOOD

The old saying is true... when it rains it pours... and in my case it's been flooding...
It's been months since my last post and I’m unsure why I feel compelled to write again now... perhaps it’s because I lost my diary.
Well let’s begin with a status update... currently I’m jobless, homeless and single (YAH ME)...
I assume a normal rational person would start prattling on about their tales of woe... why me??? or how did I end up here??? but to be honest I’m not all that bothered.

Why you may ask... well let’s see...

JOBLESS: I never really liked the job and was planning on finding something else. Plus I got a really good pay out.

HOMELESS: I will miss my city apartment but I'm actually looking forward to finding something new.

SINGLE: well he's been overseas for months and although we technically never broke up I don’t believe in the whole long distance thing. I know now that it ended the day he left but that I was using him as a safety net. I was free to look elsewhere but I always knew that he was there waiting for me should things not work out or get too messy with someone else. It's actually a very selfish and cowardly way of living one’s life so part of me is glad that it’s over.
Was I the one who ended it??? No... it was him.
He was the one who decided to be honest first. He is a great guy who I really love and respect but honey if you aint here to satisfy me sexually then you know in the long run it ain't gonna work out. Someday I hope to meet him again, in fact I’m still planning on visiting later in the year but only as "friends" (hopefully with benefits)

Maybe I’m in denial because that’s a lot of fucked up shit to happen in a short period of time...
Or maybe I’m focussing on all the good stuff that’s been happening...
The last month has been amazing and I can't begin to describe how or why.
Maybe when you have nothing left to lose you truly live your life without anything holding you back and you learn to appreciate what you do have.

Since I've been more open to "life" I’ve felt... free.

I've let go of old stagnant relationships that were no longer doing anything for either of us. Were not bad people just not the same people that became friends. We’ve changed, we’ve grown, we’ve moved on.
When a friendship or any relationship becomes more work than it’s worth... then why bother.
Move on and find something else worth putting your energy into.
I decided to end a friendship with someone I was really really close with. She was one of my core go to girlfriends but her issues made her so hard to be around. I don’t like to use the term "end a friendship" because technically I’m not ending it I’m just not prepared to put any more time or energy into it (who am I kidding right?)

I have met so many new and exciting people that I enjoy spending time with and they enjoy spending time with me and isn’t that what its all about. I've been dating which is always fun and exciting to begin with... I'm seeing 2 guys atm... I don’t see a future with either of them but they are a good distraction and the sex is good.
I'm still a heavy drinker yes but at least now I have reason... both positive and negative  :P
I've quit trying to quit smoking! There are times when i will smoke a 50 pack over night and then I’ll go for a week without so I can live with that.
My health is still a work in progress and will be much easier to maintain once I’m working again but I am getting a lot of exercise :)

So was there a point to all this or am I just venting.... you tell me