Saturday, July 16, 2011

Gone

I was in the city today having lunch with friends and a few drinks with my class mates.

Rebound guy had contacted me recently and we'd exchanged numbers and txts.
I'm not sure why but I messaged him and we ended up meeting.

It was strange seeing him again.

All the feelings that lingered, the way I used to react when he was around were gone.
There was no spark, no chemistry.

Perhaps it's because I still carry baggage when it comes to him.
Part of the reason I have chosen to remain distant, apart from the obvious hurt is that I didnt want him to see me bitter.
I didnt want to be that way and I knew that being around him would bring that out in me.

I haven't seen him since last year.
I was worried when I saw him but my fears were unfounded... there was no bitterness.

But there was no connection either.

He has a great life now. He's been working a steady job and he has had a partner for the last 6 months.
He is happy and I am happy for him.

But... what ever it was we had is gone.
There was no flow anymore.

Everything was a real effort like trying to make small talk with a stranger when your not really interested in what they are saying.

I'm sad.

I had really missed him... but the man I knew is gone.
He's grown up, he's moved on... and here I am living in the past trying to re-capture something I'm not sure ever really existed.

I still love him and wish him the best but there is no feeling anymore.
It is worth trying to re-build a friendship with someone who I was once so close with or is it better to just let it go... only time will tell.

3 comments:

  1. This reminds me of a story I read back in high school. Dead Stars.

    http://www.sushidog.com/bpss/stories/stars.htm

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  2. Thanks for the hug Mac... much appreciated. I never could say no to a handsome asian man :P

    and

    Nish! love the story, thanks for sharing it with me.

    My fav part...

    "He had been seeing the light of dead stars, long extinguished, yet seemingly still in their appointed places in the heavens"

    Simple, beautiful, poetic.

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