Gone

I was in the city today having lunch with friends and a few drinks with my class mates.

Rebound guy had contacted me recently and we'd exchanged numbers and txts.
I'm not sure why but I messaged him and we ended up meeting.

It was strange seeing him again.

All the feelings that lingered, the way I used to react when he was around were gone.
There was no spark, no chemistry.

Perhaps it's because I still carry baggage when it comes to him.
Part of the reason I have chosen to remain distant, apart from the obvious hurt is that I didnt want him to see me bitter.
I didnt want to be that way and I knew that being around him would bring that out in me.

I haven't seen him since last year.
I was worried when I saw him but my fears were unfounded... there was no bitterness.

But there was no connection either.

He has a great life now. He's been working a steady job and he has had a partner for the last 6 months.
He is happy and I am happy for him.

But... what ever it was we had is gone.
There was no flow anymore.

Everything was a real effort like trying to make small talk with a stranger when your not really interested in what they are saying.

I'm sad.

I had really missed him... but the man I knew is gone.
He's grown up, he's moved on... and here I am living in the past trying to re-capture something I'm not sure ever really existed.

I still love him and wish him the best but there is no feeling anymore.
It is worth trying to re-build a friendship with someone who I was once so close with or is it better to just let it go... only time will tell.