Sunday, September 9, 2012

The Fuck, The Friend, The Crushes & The Ex

It’s been a long time since I’ve been here and I’m unsure if I can even do it anymore but I’m gonna try.

Previously this blog has been a way for me to vent all my negative feelings and try to make sense of all the bullshit in my life but right now.... life is pretty fucking great.

The only thing that really has me thinking at the moment is men.
There are currently 5 men who keep popping up in my thoughts. For the sake of anonymity I will refer to them as  “The Fuck, The Friend, The Crushes & The Ex”

The Fuck happens to be one of my bosses. He’s what I refer to as a fence sitter. That means he looks and acts straight accept when he’s reaming me in the bedroom. He’s never been with guys before but has always been curious. He’s in his early 30s, beautiful olive skin, Italian decent, very masculine. We hooked up at a work party about 4 months ago and it’s steadily become a regular thing.  No one at work knows and I guess that makes it kinda hot for me. It’s gone from quick fucks to sleep overs and we have been spending more and more time together.
I really like being with him but I’m not sure I’m ready to quantify what we have as a “relationship”
He hasn’t said anything yet but I can see signs so I’m thinking about it now so when we do have “the talk” I will have something tangible to say to him.

The Friend  is also fence sitter. We had a drunken night  out clubbing with a group of straight male friends. I told him I was bored at his straight clubs and that I was gonna leave and go to a gay one. I assumed our night together would end there but he asked if he could tag along. He is gorgeous , tall, dirty blonde, bronzed skin and killer blue eyes so of course he was getting hit on relentlessly. He looked so uncomfortable and nervous his eyes constantly scanning the crowd looking for the next groping hand. I laughed and got lost in the music then I remember looking to check on him and he was staring right at me. He was focused and it caught me a little off guard. I asked him if he was ok and he leaned in and started making out with me. I couldn’t quite believe it was happening but he was good and it felt awesome to be making out with this guy everyone seemed to want.
He sleazed his way back to my place and into my bed but I did not have sex with him.
We made out a little more and he constantly spooned his “naked” hardon into my “clothed” ass.
Since then we have been close. We talk about sex and relationship stuff openly and flirt and tease each other constantly.
Recently things have intensified. I get the feeling he is gotten the nerve to try it again and I’m not sure I’ll be able to resist this time or even if I want to.

The Crushes

Crush 1
Asian,mid 30s broad buff body, great hair.
Works in a restaurant I go to all the time, the food is delicious but the view is even better.
We constantly flirt and tease each other. He is a really kewl guy and we have the same dry twisted sense of humour.
He is gay! but masculine, most of my girlfriends who have met him had no idea.
I could actually see myself in a relationship with a guy like him but I really, really like his food and if it didn’t work out I’d have to travel too far to another decent restaurant :P

Crush 2
Luscious full lips and really deep dark eyes, origin unknown? He’s asked me out twice.
He also works in a restaurant and I’ve always thought he was cute.
I ran into him outside work once and he was with a bunch of older guys so he looked like he was in his early 20s we chatted for a little bit and shared a cigarette. He asked me to join him for a drink but I was meeting a friend so I told him maybe some other time. A couple of days later I saw him again only this time he was with a bunch of younger guys and he looked like he was only 17. He asked me out again but I hastily made up some excuse. After that I started avoiding him. Some weeks later a friend of mine and I had dinner at his restaurant. She was also fascinated by his features and wanted to know what his background was. When we spoke with him he was very short and standoffish. She asked him where he was from and when he said he didn’t know she said “what are you a fucking test tube baby”. Since then we have been distant but we pass each other all the time, I can’t help checking him out and I catch him checking me out too.

Finally we come to

The Ex
Late 30s, white, tall, blue eyes sexy smile.
I used to refere to my ex as my “not boyfriend” he asked me once why I called him that and my immediate reply was “because I’m not emotionally attached to you” in case you’ve forgotten I can be a blunt cunt... but I’m still nice.
Things kinda fizzled out for us. He was a little to clingy for me but we did have a great time together and we remain friends.
I have a bad history with exes always going back n forth and although it wasn’t exactly a classic love story I do think about revisiting and maybe putting in some effort this time.

So there you have it.... hmmm it felt different writing this time.
It wasn't how I expected it to be. Maybe I'm just out of practice.

I guess time will tell :)

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